i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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