It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
