last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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