"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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