By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
