Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
