let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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