I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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