Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
