I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
