i was born a porn star she said
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are the jesus of drinking
He shit in the fireplace
The ass gains better be worth it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
