mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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