the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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