you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
