saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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