So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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