I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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