Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
