I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
