I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
