I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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