Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
