Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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