When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
