Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
