What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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