you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
