I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
