Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come on in and take your pants off
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