You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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