ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
