My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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