When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
