Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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