I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
