woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
