Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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