The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
