now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
