I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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