i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
