nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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