Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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