At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
