So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
