Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
