no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
