you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
