you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
