Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
